It's Not Me It's Us

From Best of Craigslist … Careful dude, she’s got your tags!

To the Hot Guy at Priest Lake on the 4th of July – w4m

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Date: 2009-07-24, 1:17AM CDT

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I have some interesting news. You are going to be a father, twice. I don’t remember your name but I do remember your license plate number. I really hope you see this. You promised me that you would pull out, and clearly you didn’t. You had brown hair and brown eyes, and had a very specific tattoo. My parents have kicked me out of the house, and I’m not making enough working at Waffle House. I was hoping that you could help me out. My car’s not big enough for the three of us. If you are enough of a man to be responsible for your actions, contact me.

From Lansing, Michigan comes this Craigslist “Missed Connections” post.  Not explicitly a dumping but something of a failed flirtation — I thought it would be worth your while.

Date: 2009-07-16, 6:32PM EDT

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You were sitting a couple tables across from me. I was checking you out. You noticed. I winked. You rolled your eyes and left your table to talk to some guys at the bar. You left your purse hanging unattended on the back of your chair. I felt rejected, and a little pissed. You looked hungry. On my way out, I filled your purse with a vomit cocktail consisting of 1 part hamburger, 3 parts Miller Lites and 6 parts hot yellow foamy puke. If you had second thoughts after blowing me off, hit me back. I can’t wait to hear from you!!!

• Location: Houlihans

it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

See, this is why email is absolutely the best way to go for the modern dumper.  SMS and Phone Calls are all subject to the fallibility of the drunken thumbfoolery associated with a post-breakup Saturday Night drinking binge with the girls.  This one was posted to Craigslist, of course, in LA:

girl who dumped me over the phone at 1:30am – m4w

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Date: 2009-01-18, 1:57AM PST

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You called me at 1:30 AM to tell me over and over that you don’t want to be with me any more. The problem is, I don’t know who you are, and I tried to explain that.

In retrospect, it would have been more fun to play along, but I was a bit too groggy to think fast. Oh well, next time a wrong number breaks up with me, I’ll be ready.

Give me a call if you want to practice dumping guys, I guess my number’s probably in your phone now. Try to call before 10 though.

• Location: 818
• it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 997392217